Leaning into His arms

As we announced in our last blog post we are expecting our third child at the end of July - in just nine short weeks. Since that last post, we learned that this baby has a cleft lip and cleft palate, and will require extra care and several surgeries throughout his early childhood. This news has been challenging for us, especially considering that our firstborn son also had genetic anomolies (Trisomy 21 and a complex congenital heart defect). It's been interesting to observe my (Kristin) initial response to this difficult news; I was initially extremely frustrated, trying to reason with myself that I think I learned so much from our firstborn's life and death, why should I have to deal with another challenging genetic anomoly in my child. I initially thought, "Haven't we dealt with enough yet? Why, God, do we have to do this all over again? Why does another one of our children have to endure being 'different'?" Honestly, the questions haven't stopped, but have rather been transformed; my questions and God's answers have morphed into me asking myself why I think my reasoning is one of justice, when His ways are higher than my ways...

Last night at Rich Erdman's church, we watched an excellent, insightful video of Pastor Francis Chan talking about how we are the clay, and cannot even concieve of God's reasoning for the things that happen in our lives. I cannot give proper credit without posting the direct link, and hope you have time to watch it (about 10 minutes). Here's the link; just go to the link and click on the line that says "Watch Video": http://www.franchischan.org/#/erasing-hell

Anyway, that video, and Rich's following sermon, both completely confirmed for me the fact that I have been quite arrogant and shallow in thinking that because I "paid my dues" in the illness and death of our firstborn son, that if I did a good enough job as a Christian, I wouldn't have to deal with anymore pain in this life. This was a great reality check for me! It helped me also realize how our American culture breeds the twisted mentality and false reasoning that good works deserve God's "blessing" - assuming that God's blessings are always for peace, health, prosperity, etc. But that is not the case! Lately I've also been thinking much about God's blessings and how they are not always what they seem. Laura Story, a successful and talented young musician, recently put out an excellent song regarding this issue, entitled "Blessings." You can learn more about her story behind the music on her website: http://laurastorymusic.com . Ms. Story's point is simply that the blessings God gives us may be contradictory to what the worldly view of blesings are.

My point in bringing all of this up is simply that I am again learning anew what a blessing it is to have a special needs child, a child that the rest of the world sees as "deformed," but one which God new before he even formed this baby in my womb -- as an incredible, undeserved blessing. There are days when I need to be reminded of this, no doubt! But no longer can I hear about birth defects and think, "Wow, that stinks - but at least it's not me." Two of our three children have, or have had, birth defects, and I am that person that most people are glad they are not! It's different, when the tables are turned, and I have to humble myself to accept the circumstances God has given us at present.

At this point I laugh and think about how my motor mouth (or fingers, in this case!) are running away...this isn't intended to be a sermon, but rather, me sharing my thoughts and revelations (for what they are worth), with you. I hope it will be a blessing to you all!